[0.0s] previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[30.6s] Oh yeah, there's a bunch of wings over here. Just a plate of wings. Just one plate of wings.
[39.0s] That's it. I go and I take one wing and I just hold it. Yeah, that's gonna become currency later.
[45.6s] Pleasure to have you. Nice to see you here. What can I do for you? Brought a very extreme energy and I'm here for it.
[51.0s] What's your name?
[53.5s] Jason. Okay, Jason. Jason Halfmanzoukas.
[61.0s] Right.
[62.6s] Did you get the gift baskets? They are gift baskets. They're bags. I oversold it. They're just bags. What's in them?
[68.6s] Oh, you can go pick a bag. Yeah, and I push through the crowd and I run to the bags.
[72.8s] It's like, well, I'm gonna use the first wish to make this the most epic party ever.
[77.7s] That's what we fade out on as streamers are going, fireworks are going off.
[83.1s] The dogs are barking. It's fucking wild. The 60 people who are at this party are having the best fucking time of their lives.
[90.0s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master Russ More. He, him also with me today is Karla Maxedad.
[110.2s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master Russ More. He, him also with me today is Karla Maxedad.
[117.7s] She, her, I will be playing Neroxious Akra, better known as Glim.
[122.4s] Also she, her.
[123.8s] And Amy More.
[124.8s] Yes!
[125.8s] She, her, and I will be playing Sullivan Slyte, he, him.
[129.3s] And also with me, Tom Laird!
[130.9s] Hey, that's me, he, him, and I'm playing Moot, and who also goes by he, him.
[135.7s] Also with us today is a whole bunch of our patrons.
[137.9s] So many patrons!
[138.9s] Oh boy.
[139.9s] We got Aaron.
[140.9s] The number's 18 right there.
[141.9s] That's right.
[142.9s] We got Aaron.
[143.9s] We got Adam.
[144.9s] We got Chris.
[145.9s] We got John.
[146.9s] We got Jonathan.
[148.1s] We got Kat.
[149.2s] We got Cathy.
[150.4s] We got Kayla.
[151.4s] We got Lori.
[152.4s] We got NerdDowell.
[153.4s] We got Sean.
[154.4s] And we got Jess.
[155.4s] Hello everybody!
[156.4s] Thank you for coming!
[160.0s] Thank you for joining us so early where we are, probably more reasonable where
[163.6s] you are.
[164.6s] Just like a normal time for you guys, mostly.
[166.3s] But the name of the game today is we don't want to make any decisions except
[170.2s] for reacting to the ones that you decide that we do.
[175.8s] Yeah, so just reactions.
[177.8s] We just want to react.
[178.8s] We don't live proactively, just reactively, right?
[183.4s] It's dedicated to all of our patrons because you helped us make it here.
[187.1s] If you're listening to this after the fact, come join us at Patreon.com
[190.1s] slash dumb dragoncast.
[191.1s] Not you because you're here already, but the other people listening who aren't
[193.7s] already on.
[194.7s] This is going to be a great way to come.
[196.4s] Fuck it!
[197.4s] Let's play!
[198.4s] Thank you for interrupting yourself.
[201.9s] Really saved yourself from that tailspin.
[203.8s] What if one of us did it?
[205.4s] I'd never even crossed my mind that we could.
[207.8s] Oh.
[208.8s] But maybe we could?
[209.8s] But could we just be like, I'm really done.
[212.1s] Just cut Russ off by screaming, fuck it, let's play.
[214.2s] Listening to Russ.
[215.2s] Yeah, I'm going to scream, fuck it, let's play.
[216.8s] All right, well that's in the back pocket now.
[218.6s] You can tell when I'm about to start because usually Tom jumps in when I'm about
[221.8s] to say it with something that is unrelated to whatever we're about to do.
[226.8s] I like to call it a topic change.
[229.6s] Ah, yes.
[231.9s] So in the chat, we need a name of a town that these fine folks are going to be coming
[236.8s] into.
[237.8s] Mooklem and Sully, you're out.
[242.1s] You have just, you know, you're wandering through a forest, a long and winding road.
[247.1s] You've just left the ship for whatever reason because we haven't recorded those
[252.2s] episodes yet, but you're on the way, you're on the road again, and you come
[256.0s] upon a sign ahead of you.
[259.7s] City Townville?
[261.2s] Do you still know how to make a name?
[263.4s] I think it's, I think it's City Townsville.
[265.9s] There's no S, City Townville.
[271.2s] I think it maybe is the best name because it's all of the, like it really, you
[276.6s] know that when you get there, there's going to be like probably a square and
[282.1s] some commerce and people.
[283.8s] It's got all this stuff of a city townville.
[286.0s] Well, yeah, but I mean, like I've been to lots of places, Clem, and I don't mean
[290.8s] to shoot down what you're saying because I totally see what you're saying.
[293.6s] However, like a city and a town and a ville are three different levels of like
[301.3s] placeology, you know, like, like a city is enormous, but I think it's more of
[306.7s] like maybe you walk through the ville to get to the town to then get to the
[311.3s] city. I was thinking like a tiered system, like, like it's all city and
[318.1s] then you go up some steps and then there's a town and then you go up some
[321.3s] more steps and then there's a village and then you go up some more steps and
[324.1s] who knows what's up there.
[325.1s] And then you're in heaven?
[325.7s] Probably some kind of, yeah, like maybe just Bahamut's chilling up there and
[328.7s] you can be like, hey bro, how are you doing up here?
[331.7s] That'd be pretty cool.
[332.7s] Every town you come to, do you secretly hope that you're just going to
[335.5s] find Bahamut chilling out?
[337.8s] Obviously.
[340.7s] Yeah, I mean, he might be in one of the ones, right?
[344.3s] Like he could just be chilling.
[345.6s] Doy me.
[346.2s] Hey, you cool kids.
[349.9s] Oh, guys, I've been chasing you for so long.
[353.0s] Oh, God.
[354.0s] Hi.
[355.1s] Hi, Hillop.
[356.5s] So that was you screaming about a few miles back there?
[359.5s] Yeah.
[360.4s] Yeah, no, I was in the little dinghy raft trying to chase down your big
[363.8s] pirate ship that you had absconded.
[366.7s] Well, I wouldn't say it's a big pirate ship.
[368.1s] The barge right in is not a pirate ship.
[370.6s] Oh, well, it's good to see you guys.
[374.1s] What's up?
[374.5s] Is there something wrong with like the Bahamaniacs or are you...
[378.5s] Is the Bahamaniacs jobs are rolling fine?
[381.5s] Nobody's complaining to HR at all.
[385.4s] Oh, that's a weird fact to bring up.
[387.1s] Yeah, weird that you brought it up.
[388.6s] We've run out of baguettes, which is kind of an issue.
[391.8s] It's a real drain on the wheat fields.
[396.9s] We got to get creative.
[398.1s] Yeah.
[398.7s] You got to go gluten free.
[400.8s] Oh, OK.
[402.3s] So like rice baguettes.
[404.4s] Yeah, try it out.
[405.4s] Yeah.
[405.8s] OK, cool.
[406.4s] So what are we doing here?
[407.6s] Maybe we go inside and get some some grubs like like like insects.
[413.6s] Is that what you're?
[414.8s] No, it's yes.
[415.6s] Some yum yums in my tum tums.
[417.6s] Oh, well, we're like together.
[421.6s] We're going to City Townvale.
[422.9s] Is that where you're?
[424.4s] Yeah, no, actually, actually, absolutely.
[426.5s] That's where we're setting up a new Bahamaniacs later.
[428.6s] Don't worry about it.
[429.3s] It's going to actually we're going to talk about renaming
[431.7s] the town of City Townville.
[434.8s] We'll talk about that later.
[435.7s] That's OK.
[436.0s] I'm sorry.
[436.3s] You're setting up an exercise group and they're going to let you rename the town.
[441.5s] It's a courtesy.
[442.4s] Yes.
[443.8s] I mean, Bahamaniacs is pretty life changing for everybody
[448.3s] once you start getting into that Zumba.
[450.1s] So yeah, I mean, if we can get like the mayor
[453.9s] and most of the city council on board in Zumba classes,
[457.1s] I feel like there's a chance.
[459.5s] OK, well, let's go talk to the mayor.
[461.5s] I wonder who the mayor is here.
[463.0s] I'm going to pull Glim aside as we start to walk again and just say,
[468.1s] do not let him switch to gluten free bread.
[471.6s] No one will want it.
[473.0s] Oh, just telling you,
[475.4s] not even the people who need gluten free bread want gluten free bread.
[479.8s] Glim, you never say where you're going first.
[482.7s] You ask him where he's going first,
[485.6s] and then you're not going to the same place.
[488.0s] Oh, yes.
[490.0s] Oh, I forgot I got some.
[491.7s] Yeah, OK.
[493.0s] Which is too nice.
[494.2s] Hey, you guys, I found somebody who knows the name of the mayor, right?
[498.1s] What? Sorry, sir.
[499.1s] What did you say the name of the mayor was?
[501.1s] Oh, sorry, the mayor's mom neck breaker.
[506.3s] Oh, wow, that is quite the name.
[508.4s] His name is mom.
[509.8s] His name is his name is mom neck breaker.
[513.1s] Like, like my mom.
[513.9s] What's mom short for?
[515.3s] Uh, Miriam.
[517.9s] Oh, Miriam.
[520.5s] Maryamal.
[521.5s] Maryamal.
[522.3s] Maryamal.
[523.4s] Yeah, it's like Maryamal.
[526.7s] Yeah, like, but different in facets.
[529.5s] Oh, OK.
[530.4s] Yeah, seems pretty straightforward.
[532.2s] Oh, OK.
[533.1s] And do you know where?
[534.3s] I have so many questions about mom.
[536.6s] Do you know where we could find him?
[540.2s] Is he as intimidating as the name neck breaker would lead me to believe?
[545.2s] Oh, probably not.
[548.4s] No, they're very small, small in stature, a very nice person.
[553.3s] Neck breaker is more of a family name.
[555.5s] Yeah, yeah.
[557.0s] Long line of neck breakers.
[559.1s] And who are you?
[560.3s] I'm Glu-Tun.
[565.9s] Oh, it's so nice to meet you, Glu.
[568.9s] We were curious about how City Townsville works.
[571.5s] Like, is it like tiered or is there different areas or is it just one?
[575.9s] Is it all three of the things?
[577.5s] Oh, yes.
[578.2s] Is Bahama just chillin' somewhere?
[579.9s] Yeah, I know.
[580.4s] That's the real question.
[581.8s] City Townsville is more of a suburb of the town.
[585.1s] You know, there's the Cityville township.
[588.8s] And then there's the hamlets, of course.
[591.3s] There's the city, the ville, and then the towns.
[593.8s] Is there a Cityville proper?
[595.4s] Exactly. Yes, that's exactly it.
[598.0s] Yep.
[598.3s] Well, that's not confusing at all.
[600.1s] Why would it be?
[602.4s] That's what I said.
[603.4s] So where's the mayor?
[604.8s] Oh, probably at the job, the job postings.
[607.3s] So what day is it today?
[608.4s] Sunday morning, about 915 Mountain.
[611.4s] He's probably at the job postings.
[614.3s] Is the mayor just picking up random jobs?
[616.3s] No, they post them.
[618.0s] They post the job.
[619.1s] That makes sense.
[619.9s] Also, they're like government positions posted.
[623.0s] Could be government positions posted.
[625.2s] You guys, working for the city makes you a lot more gold than it does
[628.0s] just a regular smough.
[629.5s] Yeah, we probably want to get there because they're fresh.
[631.5s] Like if he's just putting them up now, we want to be the first ones
[635.1s] there to like get our pick of the choice assignments.
[638.7s] Well, and the more city towns or villas we go to and we like make a name
[643.2s] for ourselves.
[644.7s] Oh, all right.
[646.8s] Right. We get like some legacy going on here.
[650.1s] Well, it's nice. Nice talking to you.
[652.5s] Yeah, you too, Glue.
[655.1s] You too, Glue.
[657.5s] You head through the town of City Townsville.
[661.6s] It's a nice, quiet town.
[663.9s] You know, everybody's just waking up.
[665.7s] The baker is putting out the fresh breads.
[668.3s] The librarian is doing, you know, just banging out the books.
[673.9s] You say banging the books together.
[676.1s] Like dusting them off, you know, like librarians do.
[678.9s] You know how librarians do.
[680.6s] OK, who didn't grow up having to, wishing to be the person
[684.3s] who banged off the chalkboard erasers?
[688.2s] I know. It's like banged off is probably not.
[691.5s] We're really from another time
[693.3s] when you say, like, doesn't it seem like in 1853,
[698.1s] the really choice assignment in the school room was to clean the erasers.
[702.4s] But God forbid you hit the school with those because I mean, like, holy shit.
[707.9s] Big trouble. Yeah.
[709.8s] Is it like that, but with books?
[711.3s] You did. You didn't.
[712.8s] You are about six months younger than me.
[714.7s] No, I did. I hit it against the school.
[716.7s] Oh, you hit against the school. You monsters.
[718.9s] I know.
[720.5s] I didn't know I was married to such a bad boy, you guys.
[722.8s] And he runs our game.
[724.5s] Oh, boy. This explains a lot.
[726.6s] I've got chills. Not today, everybody.
[728.1s] Anyway, so she's doing that with books outside as well.
[730.7s] That's that's the imagery I was going for.
[732.9s] Dust everywhere, books lapping together.
[735.1s] Occasionally hear one of them, one of them yelp.
[740.4s] Because it's a mimic.
[743.0s] Maybe, you don't know.
[744.5s] But you pass down by the librarian without giving too much thought about it,
[748.0s] and you make your way to the town center where you see a big job
[751.2s] post job board post posting sign.
[754.0s] Posting. Is he a big job board?
[755.7s] Oh, a job board posting sign right there in the town center.
[758.8s] That's right. Right there in town center.
[760.3s] And you see just a small, just a small halfling there
[764.5s] reaching, straining with, I don't know why I'm stuck in this accent now.
[769.3s] Just embrace it.
[770.3s] Yeah, just straining to reach up and try and put the papers
[773.7s] up there with a little thumbtack.
[776.2s] And a hammer? Yeah.
[782.1s] Good morning.
[784.6s] Oh, oh, oh, good morning there.
[787.8s] Pleasure to meet you.
[788.5s] Hey, you're tall.
[789.6s] Could you put this up high?
[791.5s] Absolutely. Are you?
[793.5s] And I take the postings and start putting things up.
[798.0s] Are you the mayor?
[799.5s] Yep, that's me, mom.
[800.7s] Neck breaker. Look at me.
[801.9s] I'm a neck breaker, obviously.
[803.3s] You look like a neck breaker. Yeah.
[805.4s] Huh. Well, we're just kind of cruising through town
[807.9s] looking for some work.
[809.1s] So, so perfect that we ended up here with all of these great postings.
[815.8s] So many. Wow.
[817.6s] City, CityTownsville is a great hub for for all things happening in.
[823.8s] I mean, basically judging by the number of jobs posting here
[826.8s] in the entire region, there's we've we're a filter city.
[831.3s] We filter through all of the things and then send people back out to do jobs.
[835.8s] So, yeah, have a look and see what you like here.
[838.1s] This this one just kind of jumped in.
[839.9s] It's it's one of my favorites that came in recently.
[842.8s] It's a need to change a pace, require an instructor
[847.4s] learned in local law to tutor my child will reward.
[851.3s] Are you guys good with local law?
[853.1s] Will reward you with a land deed. Wow.
[856.8s] It says you must not smell.
[859.0s] Does that mean you shouldn't be stinky or should your olfactory
[862.2s] systems be on the fritz?
[863.5s] Who's this one from?
[864.3s] Oh, it's Jennings Electro Sprocket.
[866.3s] Must not smell. They probably don't want you to stink real bad.
[870.1s] OK, all right.
[871.0s] Yeah, I mean, you two are fine. Oh, my gosh.
[873.5s] Some others here.
[875.5s] Um, I seem to have made a mistake with my experiment.
[878.7s] I don't think my book should eat one another.
[880.9s] Please help contain them. Interesting.
[883.7s] What about this one?
[884.6s] Taco Monsters kidnapping Zumba participants.
[888.8s] Check local cave.
[890.3s] I mean, that seems OK.
[892.7s] First of all,
[894.2s] Hillip, I thought you said there wasn't a Baja Maniacs here yet.
[896.9s] So does that mean there's a competing Zumba studio?
[899.2s] Because Glim, Glim, let me be serious with you right now.
[902.5s] I would appreciate it.
[903.2s] There is no Baja Maniacs here yet.
[905.7s] I was actually coming to completely squash the competition.
[910.3s] But you beat me here before I got here.
[912.7s] But maybe that's something that we we could take care of
[916.6s] by this taco monster that just randomly showed up.
[921.3s] No one no one knows how the taco monster got there.
[924.1s] Was it Tuesday?
[925.1s] What do you think, Moot?
[926.2s] Anything look good?
[927.4s] You interested in anything?
[929.3s] Um, there's one.
[931.3s] I know we're not usually like housekeepers,
[933.7s] but looking for a new housekeeper for more info.
[936.3s] Come to the dark castle at midnight.
[937.7s] I mean, dark castle at midnight.
[939.2s] That sounds pretty cool.
[940.4s] Oh, well, what about this one?
[941.5s] Cat missing, small, brown and very friendly.
[944.1s] Also a portal to hell has opened in my basement, maybe related.
[948.3s] Hmm.
[949.1s] Oh, I seem to have lost my pet rock at the quarry.
[952.9s] It's dark gray with white speckles.
[954.9s] Please bring it back to me.
[956.4s] Seems like an easy one.
[957.3s] I feel like that's going to be impossible.
[960.0s] How would you find they're all that color?
[962.2s] Like needle in a haystack kind of situation.
[964.6s] Oh, I guess I thought because it was a pet rock,
[967.3s] it would have more of a personality.
[968.7s] It would sort of stand out and we could just go.
[970.7s] OK, yeah.
[971.5s] But I see what you're saying.
[972.4s] It probably is a bit googly eyes on it or something.
[975.1s] Exactly.
[976.9s] Hey, mom, neck breaker, quick question for you.
[981.0s] If I was about, let's say, just randomly six inches taller,
[984.7s] would you have leaned on me to get the job done
[986.9s] of reaching the higher posting?
[988.6s] Oh, yeah, probably.
[990.3s] You're just a little too much of a small fry
[992.8s] to reach that top corner.
[993.9s] That's what I keep telling them.
[995.0s] OK.
[995.9s] All right.
[996.4s] I thought as much.
[997.4s] I just I just wanted to check.
[998.6s] A bit of a compLex?
[999.3s] No, no, nothing.
[1000.1s] Nothing happened at all in the past.
[1001.6s] That's right.
[1002.3s] Totally respectable in tie me up has been robbed.
[1007.3s] Speak to the owner for details.
[1010.4s] I think maybe we can just stop there later.
[1013.1s] They say it's totally respectable.
[1014.7s] I mean, an interesting way to preface.
[1016.4s] That's for sure.
[1017.1s] Well, so many options, guys.
[1018.4s] What do you think?
[1019.3s] Dark castle at midnight.
[1021.1s] I guess you've kind of shot down the quarry idea,
[1023.7s] but that's OK.
[1025.3s] Well, there was two at the quarry.
[1026.5s] We could maybe multitask with two.
[1028.0s] Yeah, I mean, the missing cat.
[1029.4s] That sounds nice.
[1030.8s] Oh, yeah, and the portal.
[1032.1s] You guys, I think I found it.
[1034.2s] My great Grammy keeps getting into fights with her neighbor.
[1038.1s] If you can get them to stop arguing, I'll pay you 10 gold.
[1041.5s] I'm tired of taking them to clerics when they wrestle.
[1044.9s] See, Aunt Fourth, Uncle Hitter for more info.
[1049.9s] I mean, I don't know about you,
[1052.2s] but a good granny brawl is always.
[1054.3s] You love a fighting granny.
[1056.6s] You really do.
[1057.3s] And a rapping granny.
[1058.7s] And if they're doing both at the same time,
[1060.6s] it's like my birthday or something.
[1062.5s] Yeah, rap battle granny.
[1063.7s] Let's go see rap battle granny.
[1065.6s] What do you think?
[1066.4s] Yeah, let's do it.
[1067.0s] Let's do it.
[1067.8s] Yeah, it sounds like a great idea.
[1069.8s] Loving it.
[1070.7s] It's going to be so good.
[1072.9s] I like how we're also kind of subsequently punishing
[1077.5s] wrestlers at the same time.
[1079.9s] I can't wait to hear this granny rap.
[1081.9s] Yeah, me too.
[1082.7s] It's going to be great.
[1083.3s] Two of them.
[1084.1s] It's a rap battle.
[1086.6s] I didn't think I saw that one.
[1088.2s] That's OK.
[1090.0s] You saw it.
[1090.6s] You just refuse to acknowledge it.
[1092.7s] See, right there.
[1095.1s] Well, yeah, you just got to go down to Uncle 4th Antsville's.
[1098.8s] What?
[1099.4s] Aunt 4th Uncle Hitter.
[1102.6s] Yeah, you just got to go see Aunt 4th Uncle Hitter.
[1105.9s] They live down on Main.
[1107.4s] Great.
[1107.9s] Well, it was so nice to meet you.
[1110.1s] Oh, yeah, it's great.
[1110.9s] Thanks, Mom.
[1112.5s] Anytime there, dear.
[1114.2s] Anytime you just want to come reach high things.
[1116.7s] Always looking for someone to reach a high thing.
[1119.8s] If you want to reach a really high place,
[1122.5s] maybe I could tell you about this cool guy I know,
[1124.7s] and he'll take you to the top number.
[1126.4s] Sorry, got to go.
[1131.2s] Great in, though.
[1132.1s] Got a city to run.
[1133.9s] I mean, it was just sitting there.
[1135.6s] He put it right out there.
[1136.6s] Yeah, you can't pass that one up.
[1138.3s] So you head down to Main, to the address
[1141.0s] that clearly Mom told you.
[1143.1s] And you hear yelling, like pretty intense yelling
[1148.8s] coming from down a few houses.
[1153.7s] It's mostly garbled from where you're standing now.
[1157.7s] It's just more like, oh, snap, yes, mew, mew, mew, mew, mew.
[1163.3s] Oh, man, it really sounds like they're getting into it.
[1166.6s] I think we might have found the right place.
[1168.6s] Oh, god, I don't know if we should have chosen this one
[1171.0s] as a way to help the town, because I may just
[1173.1s] want to watch instead of actually do something.
[1178.4s] Maybe they'll just tire themselves out, though.
[1180.8s] Maybe.
[1181.3s] Yeah, but would you put up an ad if they were just
[1183.3s] going to tire themselves out?
[1184.3s] It's true.
[1184.8s] It must be, like, really nonstop for someone
[1187.9s] to take the time to put up an ad
[1189.7s] and submit it through the city's official portal
[1192.3s] for the mayor to go post up on the job board, so.
[1195.5s] All right, well, let's get these fiery grandmas.
[1199.3s] You head down, and you come to the front door.
[1202.5s] And it's a little cracked open.
[1204.2s] You hear yelling coming out from the back of the house.
[1208.9s] I knock.
[1209.5s] You know, my signature knock.
[1215.0s] That's the one.
[1215.9s] That's it.
[1216.7s] Is that not everyone's signature?
[1218.9s] Yes.
[1221.7s] There's no answer.
[1222.7s] Is there, like, a side yard we could go down and kind
[1225.6s] of look to see if they're peer over the fence?
[1228.7s] Yeah, are they in the backyard?
[1230.1s] Yes, yes, they are.
[1231.6s] You head down the side yard, and you come into the back,
[1234.0s] and you see a little old lady.
[1237.1s] And she's in just the nightiest of nightgowns.
[1241.1s] She's got her.
[1242.0s] Wait.
[1243.1s] Wait, I have, yeah, sexy or, like, flannel-y?
[1246.6s] Because I feel like the nightiest of nightgowns
[1248.6s] kind of went two ways in my mind.
[1252.8s] On one side of the fence, the side you're on,
[1256.1s] it's flannel.
[1258.1s] On the other side of the fence,
[1259.8s] there's another granny who's wearing
[1263.2s] more of a negligee.
[1265.6s] Yeah.
[1266.9s] Good for her.
[1267.4s] A little bit of a teddy kind of thing going on.
[1270.1s] Wow.
[1271.5s] Yeah.
[1272.5s] Any faux fur have it?
[1275.2s] There's a mercant.
[1276.1s] I assume she's wearing those slide-on mules
[1278.7s] with the, like, boa, you know, the ones?
[1281.0s] Yes.
[1281.5s] Yeah.
[1282.9s] Yeah.
[1283.9s] Well, I'm glad she hasn't lost her sexuality.
[1286.3s] You know, that doesn't just go away
[1287.9s] because you get older.
[1289.0s] Sure.
[1290.1s] She's got needs.
[1291.2s] The need to wear incredibly uncomfortable lingerie,
[1293.3s] apparently, in her backyard.
[1294.8s] The need to speed.
[1296.0s] So I call, hello?
[1298.5s] I'm quickly really making sure the pamphlets that I have
[1300.9s] with me are quite well-hidden because I have had not
[1303.8s] great success if I knock or approach a house
[1306.4s] with the pamphlets visible.
[1308.0s] Yeah.
[1308.5s] Sure.
[1309.0s] Yeah, we've been turned down for just, like,
[1311.0s] a lot of different places.
[1312.2s] So I make sure those are well-hidden away,
[1314.5s] even though I pulled one out to give to the mayor.
[1317.2s] Sick and tired of your lewd garden gnomes,
[1321.4s] just creeping into my garden.
[1324.4s] Excuse me, ma'am?
[1325.7s] Why?
[1327.7s] We could.
[1328.2s] Oh, hi.
[1328.7s] Oh.
[1329.7s] Hi, sorry.
[1331.4s] Hello.
[1332.3s] This is a little bit Flamikins,
[1333.4s] but it's just an old lady.
[1334.7s] It's not Flamikins.
[1336.5s] Maybe it could be.
[1337.6s] Maybe Flamikins is a little bit older now.
[1341.8s] I would explain the Teddy.
[1344.6s] Yeah, which granny are we talking to right now?
[1347.1s] You're probably talking to the flannel granny.
[1348.8s] Flannel granny, OK.
[1351.3s] I'm so sorry to interrupt your screaming.
[1356.1s] However, we thought maybe we could, we just,
[1359.5s] we heard some distress and just thought
[1362.6s] we could maybe help out.
[1365.0s] What, Aunt Forrest, Uncle Hitter sent you?
[1367.1s] Well, not us particularly.
[1369.9s] Just, like, it was like a cry for help.
[1372.2s] Yeah, and it was on the job board.
[1373.8s] They put this on the job board?
[1375.8s] Oh, God.
[1376.3s] The sexy you two are really, really
[1379.4s] causing a ruckus, you two.
[1381.1s] Well, yes, we are.
[1382.4s] See, she keeps stealing my sexy gnomes.
[1387.8s] And are you stealing the sexy gnomes?
[1389.6s] I'm not stealing them.
[1390.6s] They just, they find their way over here.
[1392.6s] So the gnomes are alive and moving?
[1395.4s] They're alive with the sound of music.
[1397.4s] And sexy.
[1399.2s] Look at them.
[1400.2s] Whoa.
[1401.8s] And they're very sexy.
[1403.2s] I would assume very sexy gnomes.
[1405.6s] Well, this one has his pants down.
[1407.6s] Do you see that one?
[1408.5s] And he's got his junk buried in the face of a flower.
[1414.9s] You haven't even seen the one giving it to the toadstool yet.
[1418.3s] Aw, damn, where's that one?
[1420.1s] It's probably crept over onto that side there.
[1422.7s] Now, you keep saying crept over,
[1424.0s] like you didn't put them there.
[1426.1s] Why would I put them there?
[1427.2s] They're my gnomes from her.
[1428.4s] So you're implying that they move themselves?
[1430.8s] They were a gift to me.
[1432.8s] But she's saying that they're hers?
[1435.0s] No, she's saying that they creep, creepin' over
[1436.9s] because she doesn't like how sexy they look,
[1438.8s] which is very odd,
[1439.8s] depend, you know, judging by the way she dresses.
[1442.6s] Okay, okay, let me get this straight.
[1444.5s] She wants to be the star attraction,
[1446.6s] not the sexy garden gnomes.
[1448.1s] Granny with the flanny has lew garden gnomes.
[1453.6s] Yep.
[1454.4s] That sexy grandma over here
[1458.6s] Finds offensive.
[1459.5s] Finds offensive.
[1461.6s] Yeah.
[1462.4s] Oh, okay.
[1465.0s] But, okay.
[1466.4s] So, so there's no stealing going on?
[1470.9s] Yes, she's stealing them.
[1472.3s] Oh, sexy grandma's taking your gnomes.
[1474.2s] She's taking the gnomes.
[1475.2s] Oh, sexy grandma.
[1476.1s] She says she doesn't like them.
[1477.2s] Are you just, and I'm so sorry,
[1478.8s] I haven't asked your names,
[1479.9s] but I think the labels we have going on are working.
[1482.8s] Yeah, flanny and sexy, you're fine with,
[1485.4s] I mean, it makes sense.
[1487.1s] Are you guys okay with that?
[1487.9s] Because the voices are basically the same.
[1489.6s] Yeah, I get confused.
[1491.8s] Could I ask a question about the gnomes?
[1495.1s] Because they are quite unique.
[1497.3s] I've not seen, so I'm just wondering if you,
[1502.2s] maybe they were like a gift from the fae
[1504.9s] or maybe a gift from an ex.
[1507.3s] Well, they were a gift from Grandpa Hot Pants.
[1509.6s] Oh, Grandpa Hot Pants.
[1512.0s] Who is Grandpa Hot Pants?
[1513.6s] He's my sugar daddy.
[1516.0s] Oh.
[1516.8s] Says Granny in the flanny.
[1519.2s] Oh.
[1520.1s] Well, yeah, flanny granny,
[1521.0s] she's the owner of, you know.
[1522.8s] I'm gonna try and make it the same.
[1523.6s] This is Granny in the flanny.
[1528.0s] And this is, fuck, they're all the same.
[1530.8s] Can maybe she just have like a more,
[1533.7s] like sultry tone to her?
[1536.2s] Because she's sexy Granny.
[1537.0s] This is her voice now.
[1538.2s] I'm sorry, is that your sultry voice?
[1541.4s] Oh, Amy.
[1542.2s] I know, are you guys jealous?
[1544.4s] I wake up to that voice every morning.
[1546.4s] This is my very sexual voice.
[1548.2s] I can picture us pouring on the charm now
[1549.8s] and it all makes so much sense.
[1551.9s] And they say, no,
[1554.3s] because you've got a little bit of Chris
[1555.5s] or Kavin Hart going on here.
[1558.4s] Yeah, this is sexy Granny.
[1563.1s] Okay.
[1563.9s] I'm so horny right now.
[1567.2s] Well, you've seen the gnomes.
[1568.8s] I've, right?
[1570.6s] Anyways, Granny.
[1571.4s] I mean, they are very sexy.
[1572.7s] There's like, there's one all in leather
[1574.6s] and one like in a little lace outfit
[1577.0s] that has the one in leather on a leash.
[1578.8s] There's the one in the swing in the back too.
[1581.1s] Yeah.
[1582.6s] Well, actually it's not one in the swing.
[1584.0s] That's several in the swing.
[1586.0s] Who knows swings.
[1586.8s] I mean, if you're gonna have a swing,
[1588.0s] you may as well swing in it.
[1591.2s] That's what you have.
[1592.0s] If they move themselves,
[1593.4s] how does the one with the hood
[1595.8s] and the zipper over the mouth,
[1597.5s] how does he get around?
[1598.4s] Well, because he still has arms and legs.
[1600.4s] Oh no, now hold on.
[1601.4s] If you look behind him,
[1602.7s] he's got a butt plug with a leash on it.
[1604.4s] So.
[1605.3s] Oh, yep.
[1606.1s] Okay.
[1606.9s] Here we go.
[1607.8s] That makes sense.
[1608.6s] That makes sense.
[1609.5s] Okay, so I mean.
[1611.2s] How do we, maybe we need to figure out
[1612.8s] if they are really actually alive.
[1614.4s] Cause that would explain a lot.
[1615.6s] If they're sentient creatures,
[1616.8s] they're just, you know,
[1618.1s] go into whatever garden they,
[1619.7s] exactly, they wanna,
[1620.8s] they go wherever they want.
[1621.6s] They fuck where they wanna fuck.
[1623.0s] Exactly.
[1624.0s] That's what everybody always says about gnomes.
[1626.2s] Yep.
[1628.1s] I had not previously heard that, but that's, I mean.
[1631.6s] I'm shocked by that, Sully.
[1633.0s] Wow.
[1633.9s] I mean, I don't like to paint people
[1636.0s] with broad strokes.
[1638.7s] Look.
[1639.6s] I don't know if they're magic or not.
[1640.9s] They were just, you know,
[1641.8s] loving gifts from grandpa hot pants.
[1644.1s] And then they just started going missing one night.
[1646.5s] Okay.
[1647.5s] Is grandpa hot pants around here?
[1649.1s] We can maybe verify that he did in fact,
[1652.3s] give them to you.
[1653.1s] And if they're ended up over in sexy granny's
[1656.1s] backyard, then we can like, for sure.
[1658.9s] Cause right now it's just a,
[1660.2s] just a she said, she said situation.
[1662.7s] Well, yes, grandpa.
[1664.6s] I can't remember what fucking voice it was.
[1666.6s] Kavin Hart.
[1667.5s] What did you write Kavin Hart on?
[1668.7s] It's like an Arvid, Kavin Hart combo.
[1671.2s] Yep.
[1672.1s] Arvid Hart.
[1672.9s] Yeah, he lives just a couple of houses down.
[1675.3s] Did she forget to put her teeth in
[1677.1s] and that's why she sounds like that?
[1678.6s] Yeah.
[1679.5s] Yeah.
[1680.3s] Remember to put her teddy and negligee on,
[1682.8s] but not the teeth.
[1683.6s] Not the teeth.
[1684.9s] You gotta go out looking your best.
[1687.1s] Okay.
[1689.4s] So I'm, I'm, I'm sorry.
[1692.3s] Keep it together.
[1696.0s] Yes.
[1696.8s] They said they live a couple of houses down.
[1698.0s] Maybe we just go visit grandpa hot pants.
[1700.1s] You're still here.
[1701.0s] Yeah.
[1701.8s] I'm always here.
[1702.7s] Phillip is always present with you.
[1705.6s] It feels like an invasion of privacy, but.
[1707.4s] What a joy for us.
[1708.7s] Let's talk to Mr. Hot Pants.
[1712.2s] Grandpa Hot Pants, I believe it was his title.
[1714.8s] Yeah. Let's go.
[1716.0s] Maybe just go see, just double check.
[1718.7s] Do we all want to go?
[1719.9s] Do we dad leave these two grannies together?
[1721.7s] What if they start snatching at each other's faces?
[1724.0s] Phillip, maybe you could supervise the grannies,
[1726.6s] make sure they don't start fighting too much
[1728.4s] and we'll go talk to grandpa Hot Pants.
[1732.6s] And if we could know what they're saying occasionally
[1734.6s] with Phillip, that'd be great.
[1735.9s] Yeah. Oh yeah.
[1736.7s] That sounds like a cool idea.
[1738.2s] I'm going to stay here with these two sexy,
[1740.5s] sex active grannies and nothing crazy will happen.
[1743.8s] I promise you.
[1744.9s] Oh God.
[1745.8s] What are we going to come back to?
[1747.4s] I don't know.
[1748.2s] I regret it already,
[1749.1s] but also then we won't have Phillip with us.
[1751.1s] So maybe I don't.
[1753.2s] Let's go see grandpa Hot Pants.
[1756.2s] Oh, it really is just a couple of doors down.
[1758.1s] Cause look, I see a mailbox right there
[1760.1s] and he does have grandpa Hot Pants written like right on it.
[1763.1s] Written right on it.
[1763.9s] Oh, it's perfect.
[1764.7s] It's all bedazzled.
[1765.6s] With a little caricature of said Hot Pants.
[1768.5s] So that's cute.
[1770.1s] I like this guy already.
[1771.5s] Maybe a bit embellished right in the crotch there,
[1773.7s] but I guess we'll find out.
[1775.0s] I mean, maybe or maybe not.
[1776.7s] You go knock on the door and it swings open
[1779.3s] and a plume of hot box comes out.
[1783.1s] And an old man, an assless chap steps forward
[1788.5s] who has a rather large cod piece.
[1791.7s] Did I miss any other description of grandpa?
[1793.6s] Oh, lace Hot Pants.
[1796.6s] Over those assless chaps are lace Hot Pants.
[1800.1s] Wow.
[1801.5s] Are they?
[1803.0s] Maybe they're ass.
[1803.9s] And shirtless, I imagine.
[1805.5s] Yeah, I would have to assume so.
[1806.9s] He's a rip.
[1807.7s] With like a belly, I assume.
[1810.1s] He's a ripped grandpa.
[1811.0s] Oh, damn.
[1811.8s] Okay.
[1813.0s] Grandpa Hot Pants.
[1814.3s] Like that sexy Santa that that mall did that campaign with.
[1817.7s] Did you guys see that?
[1818.8s] He was buried.
[1819.7s] He was, yeah, that was a good Santa.
[1821.5s] Well, that's what I'm picturing now.
[1823.0s] Okay.
[1823.9s] In fact, the crotch is rather understated
[1826.3s] in the picture that you saw, so.
[1828.5s] I had an inkling.
[1829.4s] Yeah.
[1830.3s] Okay.
[1832.6s] Hello, sir.
[1835.1s] Oh, hello there.
[1836.8s] Hi, grandpa Hot Pants.
[1841.8s] Pleasure.
[1842.7s] It's so nice.
[1843.5s] So nice to meet you.
[1844.3s] Yeah, wow.
[1845.2s] Yeah, real pleasure.
[1846.0s] Yes, have you come on recommendation?
[1849.1s] Kind of, kind of, but not for the reason
[1852.9s] that you're probably thinking.
[1854.3s] Oh.
[1855.1s] We were just curious, what's the deal with the gnomes?
[1860.5s] You know the sexy gnomes
[1862.0s] that you bought for Flanny Granny?
[1864.8s] Well, I don't, that's what we call them.
[1865.7s] Who did you buy them for Flanny Granny?
[1868.0s] Who did you buy the gnomes for?
[1870.2s] The gnomes were a gift to Flanny Granny.
[1873.4s] Is there anything special about these gnomes
[1875.5s] other than their wild, yeah.
[1879.9s] Let me check the calendar.
[1882.0s] Yes, yes, okay, yes.
[1885.7s] Well, it seems that the moon
[1887.5s] has reached its 14th lunar cycle
[1890.6s] and the gnomes will come alive
[1894.3s] and present themselves to their owners.
[1897.3s] Oh, there's at least three that are presenting.
[1898.2s] They are presenting themselves.
[1899.3s] Oh, so many.
[1901.0s] Now, previously to this lunar cycle,
[1904.4s] were they just complete bitches?
[1906.6s] The grannies or the gnomes?
[1907.9s] Both.
[1908.7s] Everybody's all crazy over there.
[1910.7s] Well, once they start spritzing their gnomish pheromones,
[1915.7s] it can elevate certain untold desires,
[1921.1s] create a pact of untold desires, perhaps.
[1924.7s] Uh-oh, okay.
[1926.1s] Now, some of these gnomes are making the way over
[1928.4s] into Sexy Granny's yard.
[1930.3s] Are they choosing?
[1931.1s] Well, they are promiscuous.
[1932.3s] Uh-oh.
[1933.7s] Okay.
[1934.5s] If there are too many gnomes in one location,
[1936.6s] they spread.
[1937.6s] Why did you give so many gnomes in one location?
[1940.8s] I was hoping to win her over.
[1944.2s] It came to me in a dream.
[1946.9s] If I could win over Flanny Granny, then.
[1949.5s] She's the ultimate conquest.
[1950.9s] Complete your bingo card?
[1953.1s] Yes.
[1953.9s] Yes.
[1956.0s] Yes, sir.
[1957.4s] To complete my life's bingo card.
[1960.1s] Okay.
[1961.4s] The center square is often Flanny Granny,
[1963.6s] so that's fair.
[1964.7s] Yeah.
[1965.9s] So they're perfectly normal.
[1967.3s] Nothing to see here.
[1968.8s] They're just going to enact their pheromone goodness
[1974.1s] on them and then probably on the neighborhood.
[1977.9s] And for how long is it just a short cycle or?
[1984.4s] Forever.
[1986.1s] Oh, okay.
[1987.5s] So, wow.
[1988.4s] They just reproduce forever.
[1990.4s] Okay.
[1991.2s] I mean, we like to be sex positive.
[1993.9s] Right, guys?
[1994.7s] Like, we're aggressively sex positive.
[1997.9s] Fuck yeah.
[1999.3s] Come on, we can talk about it inside.
[2001.7s] No, that's not right.
[2003.1s] I feel like we maybe need to,
[2004.6s] because one of the best things about being sex positive
[2007.6s] is positive consent.
[2008.7s] And I feel like by just releasing sex pheromone gnomes
[2012.7s] on the whole neighborhood,
[2013.9s] you maybe haven't taken that into account
[2016.1s] in the way that you probably would like to.
[2019.0s] Well, that's fair.
[2020.5s] Yes, I suppose I've stumbled backwards
[2022.8s] into an odd consent program.
[2027.3s] She did accept the gifts willingly.
[2029.5s] Oh, yes. Of course.
[2030.3s] But did the whole neighborhood?
[2031.8s] Well, not yet.
[2034.1s] We look down and there's like a couple gnomes
[2037.6s] kind of like peeking around.
[2039.4s] Yeah, yeah.
[2040.4s] We can like see some stuff through the door.
[2042.8s] Hey, what you doing?
[2043.7s] Hey, close the door.
[2044.9s] Close the door.
[2045.8s] Don't look at us while we're doing this.
[2047.2s] Oh, like you don't want us to look at you
[2048.8s] when you're doing that. Okay, look at me.
[2049.8s] Oh, boy.
[2050.7s] Oh, I'll make extreme eye contact with you
[2052.5s] while we're doing this.
[2054.0s] I think we've gotten a little off topic.
[2056.1s] I think we have a gnome problem
[2057.5s] to take care of here, people.
[2058.6s] I think we maybe have a gnome problem.
[2061.2s] Now, the gnomes, did they,
[2062.7s] maybe they came from somewhere else
[2065.5s] and we could just-
[2066.9s] Round them up.
[2067.7s] We don't want to destroy the gnomes
[2068.5s] but we could just maybe collect them
[2070.4s] and send them back home.
[2071.7s] Sure.
[2072.5s] Yes, yes.
[2073.4s] Well, I bought them off a man
[2075.3s] who said he was from the Fae.
[2077.9s] So perhaps they could be sent back to the Fae.
[2083.5s] Or maybe what if we canvas the neighborhood
[2086.2s] and see if all the neighbors want to take one or two
[2089.7s] and then they can all stay
[2091.5s] and then they're not in the same place
[2093.7s] reproducing constantly.
[2095.1s] But then won't they still just give out
[2099.0s] the pheromones all the time?
[2100.6s] Cause it never stops.
[2101.8s] Oh, yeah, didn't think of that.
[2103.6s] That was never ending spreading of the pheromones.
[2106.0s] Yeah, yeah.
[2107.2s] Well, hey, at least now we gnome the problem.
[2113.5s] Okay, thank you, Sir Hot Pants.
[2117.5s] Yeah, yes, anytime.
[2118.7s] Oh, I probably have some items here for you.
[2122.1s] Oh, oh.
[2123.0s] That you could use to wrangle these.
[2123.8s] Yes, please.
[2124.7s] Oh, okay.
[2125.5s] I was just gonna use my hands with gloves on.
[2127.7s] Just let me go check the back.
[2130.4s] Well, I get a list of things that could be presented.
[2136.9s] Go on.
[2137.7s] Welcome to the meadow, we've got stuff and things.
[2140.7s] Meal time.
[2141.5s] Meal time.
[2142.5s] Meal time.
[2143.5s] Meal time.
[2144.5s] Meal time.
[2145.5s] Meal time.
[2146.5s] Meal time.
[2147.5s] Meal time.
[2148.5s] Meal time.
[2149.5s] Meal time.
[2151.4s] If you want all the things and stuff,
[2154.1s] that's what you're gonna get.
[2156.7s] We are the-
[2157.6s] Take it home, Russ.
[2158.9s] Place that you find all the great things.
[2163.4s] I wish I had another word that wasn't things.
[2167.4s] Okay, we'll be back.
[2168.3s] All right, let's, yeah.
[2169.3s] Well, I know what birthday gift you get, Russ.
[2171.3s] It's a thesaurus.
[2174.4s] Yes, thank you, thank you.
[2175.4s] We both could use that.
[2177.2s] We could.
[2178.5s] Hey, it's the gift.
[2179.4s] It's the overlapping gift.
[2180.6s] There it is.
[2181.5s] We found it, Tom.
[2182.3s] We found it in the middle, all right.
[2183.8s] Lots of stuff were found in the middle.
[2185.5s] That's right.
[2186.3s] Hey, last week was our first episode back from vacation.
[2189.0s] I did the middle by myself,
[2190.6s] because I was like,
[2191.5s] I don't want to call everybody in
[2192.3s] just for one little middle.
[2193.9s] But now we're back together,
[2195.0s] doing this thing together again.
[2197.4s] And it feels good.
[2198.2s] And can I say, we have not lost it.
[2200.8s] No.
[2201.6s] No, still sharp as a tack.
[2203.1s] Based on that song off the top there.
[2204.9s] Finally honed edges.
[2206.2s] Russ has been holding on to that song for-
[2208.4s] I wrote that song at the beginning of vacation.
[2209.7s] He's been working on it for four weeks.
[2211.5s] It's been a long time.
[2212.3s] That's four weeks worth of work.
[2214.2s] Yeah.
[2215.1s] How do you feel about that?
[2215.9s] Oh, boy.
[2216.7s] I feel great about it.
[2217.9s] Yeah, I feel-
[2218.8s] Good, you should.
[2219.6s] That's what's important.
[2220.5s] Sometimes you just have to throw things at the wall
[2222.2s] and just be proud of them, because-
[2224.3s] Nope.
[2225.2s] You're just proud of all of them.
[2226.0s] But are you supposed to see what sticks?
[2227.5s] Like a proud of mom again.
[2229.6s] You just hurl things at the wall.
[2231.5s] No, the saying is, you throw things at the wall
[2234.0s] and then be proud of them.
[2235.2s] Okay.
[2236.1s] Yeah, what's wrong with you guys?
[2236.9s] So with the support of our friends at Podbean,
[2241.1s] we've got something that you might want to try here.
[2243.3s] Okay.
[2244.1s] You know how sometimes you're like,
[2245.0s] mm, my podcast app.
[2246.4s] I wish I could try a different one.
[2247.9s] Yeah, because sometimes people update them
[2249.8s] and then they are terrible.
[2251.1s] Not pointing any fingers.
[2252.0s] No, not pointing any.
[2253.9s] For example?
[2254.9s] Not taking any bites out of any apples.
[2258.7s] Well, I mean, you really-
[2260.1s] I kind of said the quiet part loud there, Tom.
[2262.4s] I don't know what you're talking about.
[2263.5s] What we want to say is,
[2264.8s] Podbean is a really cool app
[2266.6s] and they've got a lot of great features
[2267.9s] and we think that you should go check them out.
[2269.5s] Because Podbean's been a leader in the field of podcasting
[2271.7s] for over 10 years,
[2273.1s] developing innovative tools for podcasters and listeners.
[2276.2s] In addition to podcast hosting and monetization,
[2279.7s] Podbean has developed one of the top podcast apps
[2282.6s] for Android and iOS,
[2284.7s] with over 1.5 million installs and growing fast.
[2289.1s] Anecdotally, they've been around forever.
[2291.3s] I remember back in school doing a project
[2294.3s] and making a podcast because I am who I am
[2296.6s] and I've always been this person.
[2300.2s] And uploading it on Podbean.
[2302.1s] And that was like when dinosaurs roamed the earth.
[2304.9s] Yeah, I think they've got,
[2305.9s] well, they've got a whole bunch of different plans
[2307.4s] for podcasters and that sort of thing.
[2308.7s] But one thing that I really like about Podbean
[2310.7s] that you don't get with a lot of apps
[2312.6s] is you can comment and the podcaster,
[2314.9s] as long as they claim their podcast,
[2316.6s] can see those comments.
[2318.6s] Oh, I like that.
[2319.5s] That's fun.
[2320.3s] And that's shitter chatter back.
[2321.1s] That's fun.
[2322.0s] So Podbean, go try it out.
[2325.2s] Podbean.com.
[2326.1s] There's no tagline for them.
[2326.9s] Two beans in a pod.
[2328.7s] Yeah, podbean.com.
[2330.5s] What Amy said.
[2331.9s] Bean it up.
[2332.8s] Bean me up, Scotty?
[2334.1s] We're in the middle now
[2336.0s] and we're singing a song about Podbean.
[2342.1s] They are an app that you can listen to
[2345.1s] all your podcasts.
[2347.5s] Podcasts.
[2348.4s] Podbean.
[2349.2s] You can push, play and rewind.
[2353.5s] More probably skip 15 seconds in the past.
[2357.4s] Podbean.
[2358.2s] Podbean.
[2359.1s] Yeah.
[2361.3s] Podbean.
[2362.1s] Thanks for listening to us.
[2363.1s] All right, you have a great rest of your week
[2364.9s] and we'll talk to you soon.
[2366.6s] We cut back to Hillup and Flanny Granny
[2369.7s] and Sexy Granny.
[2370.5s] So what you're saying is I just have to put my knees
[2373.7s] up into these holsters?
[2377.0s] Oh God, they got them on the swing.
[2379.3s] Oh wait, I'm not there.
[2380.3s] You just can sense it.
[2382.5s] I can't, I'm just like.
[2384.3s] You just raise them up there.
[2385.5s] Yeah, you put them up high.
[2386.9s] Yeah, and then we're just testing the weight there.
[2388.8s] See how it bounces?
[2389.8s] Yeah, that's good.
[2392.0s] Okay, so this is really fun.
[2394.2s] So what do we do now?
[2395.6s] I like that they've got Hillup in the swing.
[2397.9s] That seems.
[2398.7s] Yeah, I like that.
[2399.6s] That seems appropriate.
[2402.2s] Hot Pants comes back.
[2403.9s] Well, I have a bag of things here.
[2405.9s] It reaches in and pulls out another bag.
[2410.3s] Oh, I like a bag in a bag.
[2411.9s] Here.
[2412.7s] There's a mystery to it.
[2413.6s] I'll give this one to you here.
[2415.2s] This is what they call a bag of kittens.
[2418.1s] It's an extra dimensional portal that houses kittens.
[2423.6s] Oh, could we put the gnomes in there?
[2425.8s] Well, I mean, it's full of kittens.
[2429.5s] So you reach it.
[2430.7s] I mean, you could potentially put the gnomes in there
[2433.7s] and put them into an extra-dimensional plane.
[2436.7s] We could take the kittens out
[2437.9s] and give them to the granny.
[2438.8s] Yes, you could.
[2439.8s] Oh, that's fun.
[2440.6s] You know what, too?
[2441.6s] I think cats have crazy pheromones.
[2443.6s] Like they pee and spray all over stuff.
[2445.3s] Maybe you could.
[2446.3s] How many kittens were in here?
[2448.4s] Thousands.
[2449.3s] There's thousands of kittens in here.
[2451.1s] One, two, three.
[2453.4s] Thousands.
[2454.3s] Thousands of kittens.
[2455.1s] That's thousands of kittens.
[2456.9s] Well, here's your standard staff of probing gnomes
[2459.9s] by eggsy, chokers, leather hoods,
[2463.3s] fingerprinting dust and brushes.
[2465.2s] That seems here.
[2466.6s] I'm an investigator.
[2467.4s] Sure, moot.
[2468.4s] I think you didn't tell me your name,
[2469.6s] but I'm gonna call you by it.
[2471.6s] Sure.
[2472.5s] You got the name tag there.
[2474.1s] Oh, yep, yep.
[2475.5s] Oh, what's this one?
[2476.5s] This is a comb of beard man, sir.
[2478.8s] While it touches your body,
[2480.0s] you can grow and regrow a foot of facial hair
[2482.8s] as a bonus action.
[2483.7s] Anybody interested in that?
[2485.2s] Well, you know, I could mask myself as a gnome.
[2488.3s] Excuse me. A giant gnome.
[2489.6s] Thank you for the name tags again.
[2492.6s] You look like you had a beard once.
[2494.8s] I did.
[2495.6s] And so I'm going to stay away from that comb.
[2499.1s] But thank you.
[2499.9s] I think, I don't know if,
[2502.1s] yeah, the disguise,
[2503.1s] maybe you could pretend to be a sexy gnome, Sully.
[2506.2s] But please note that you're getting
[2507.9s] too close to me with it.
[2508.9s] Please.
[2509.7s] Okay.
[2510.6s] I'll take it.
[2511.4s] Okay, there you go.
[2512.2s] Gnome and guard grenade,
[2514.0s] potion of gnome pheromones
[2515.9s] to lure them into a possi-
[2517.9s] I'll let you decide how you use it.
[2520.2s] Can we just take the duffel bag?
[2521.0s] I like the potion we could throw it into the-
[2522.6s] Can we just take the duffel bag?
[2523.4s] Maybe add this bag?
[2524.4s] Yeah, what if we just took this whole thing?
[2526.1s] Ooh, guys, there's a whip in here.
[2528.0s] Oh, well, I'm not surprised.
[2530.3s] That's the most normal of the things
[2531.7s] that I've told you about.
[2533.3s] Sheet of useful toys.
[2534.9s] Yeah, absolutely.
[2535.7s] Look at all these cool, cool things we've gotten here.
[2538.5s] Well, I say we just kind of go and use them all.
[2540.7s] He hands you the bag.
[2542.1s] Let's go.
[2542.9s] You're heading back to the scene of the crime?
[2545.0s] Oh yeah.
[2546.0s] Or are you-
[2546.8s] Well, there hasn't really been a crime committed,
[2548.1s] has there?
[2549.2s] There's no crime.
[2550.0s] There's just-
[2550.8s] It was a public disturbance.
[2552.2s] An accidental pheromone release.
[2555.9s] Okay, we are approaching the fence.
[2557.9s] Come on in, come on in.
[2560.0s] We're just having a good time in the swing here.
[2563.1s] Oh God.
[2563.9s] Oh.
[2564.8s] Yes?
[2565.6s] I knew it.
[2566.4s] Yep, come on in.
[2567.4s] Everything's fine.
[2568.7s] Okay.
[2569.5s] Everybody's pants are on still.
[2571.4s] Okay, okay.
[2573.1s] Okay, okay.
[2574.0s] Well, we're just gonna-
[2575.9s] So turns out we have to get rid of the gnomes.
[2578.2s] Yes, I'm sorry.
[2579.7s] But you were right, Flanny Granny.
[2581.5s] It's very important for people to hear when they were right.
[2584.2s] Yeah.
[2585.0s] Those gnomes do belong to you.
[2586.3s] They were gifts from Grandpa Hot Pants.
[2589.7s] Yeah.
[2590.5s] Who we did not have sex with.
[2592.2s] So stop.
[2594.0s] And-
[2594.8s] Well, I mean, he charges by the hour.
[2596.1s] I know, it's way too expensive.
[2597.3s] It's an open relationship.
[2598.3s] You can do what you like.
[2599.6s] But these gnomes have come to life,
[2603.4s] will stay alive, fucking all over the place.
[2606.2s] Right?
[2607.4s] Giving off sexy pheromones.
[2610.2s] He's just trying to win your heart.
[2612.1s] With sexy pheromones?
[2613.7s] Well, first it was just with the trinkets.
[2616.7s] You know, just so you know.
[2619.1s] He digs you, boo.
[2620.4s] Great.
[2621.3s] Well, I'm glad we solved that problem.
[2622.5s] How are we gonna get rid of them?
[2623.7s] Oh, we'll get this duffel bag of stuff.
[2625.5s] Yeah, and how are we gonna get them to stop
[2626.4s] coming over to my side of the yard?
[2628.5s] Well, what's this do?
[2629.5s] This isn't-
[2632.4s] Huh, it's like a vibrating wand.
[2634.4s] I'm not sure what-
[2637.2s] Okay, so, okay, one end wasn't tingled.
[2640.9s] Oh, okay.
[2642.0s] Okay, and I'm gonna turn it up.
[2644.2s] I'm turning it up.
[2646.0s] Turning it up.
[2647.2s] Oh my God, oh, ow.
[2648.9s] Ooh, ooh, ooh.
[2651.0s] That seems aggressive.
[2652.4s] Well, if you can't even hold onto it.
[2654.7s] Can't even.
[2656.9s] Buzzed right out of my hand.
[2659.1s] Wow.
[2659.9s] It's a little extreme.
[2661.4s] Well, maybe you should touch one of the gnomes with it
[2664.1s] and see what happens.
[2665.2s] Okay, okay.
[2666.5s] So I pick it up very carefully and turn it back down,
[2669.5s] more closer to pleasant tingle than crusher
[2672.5s] and hold it in my hand, pointing out,
[2677.1s] walking towards one of the gnomes.
[2679.5s] Maybe the one that's dressed like a shepherdess
[2681.9s] for some reason, it's quite old fashioned.
[2684.5s] Little bo peep.
[2686.1s] Little bo peep, but a very short skirt,
[2689.9s] kind of bent over.
[2691.5s] And I kind of gently touch,
[2694.9s] just to like the arm.
[2697.4s] Make a dexterity roll.
[2700.5s] Russ looks around like he's got any papers to say,
[2703.0s] like, what if that happened?
[2704.3s] Let me just check my vibrator stats here.
[2707.6s] Let me check my sex gnome reaction time.
[2711.0s] Clearly this is the only thing I prepped.
[2715.3s] Dex is, okay, so 16.
[2718.8s] Just as you're approaching the sexy little bo peep.
[2725.3s] Gnome turns and looks at you.
[2727.9s] Say it out loud, Russ.
[2728.9s] Sexy little bo peep gnome turns and looks at you
[2731.5s] at first in a little fright,
[2733.1s] but then with intrigue and excitement.
[2736.8s] And you approach and vibrate the shoulder of this gnome
[2743.1s] and its entire body begins convulsing.
[2747.7s] Well, I mean, everybody knows
[2748.8s] the shoulder is the pleasure center.
[2751.1s] It's one of the main erogenous zones of a gnome.
[2753.9s] But then it keeps vibrating
[2756.1s] and you pull the vibrator back
[2758.2s] until the ceramic arm vibrates off.
[2761.9s] Hey, what are you doing?
[2764.9s] I thought we were having a good time here.
[2766.3s] Well, it's just that, do we have that bag or can I?
[2769.8s] The kitten bag.
[2770.7s] And I open up the kitten bag
[2772.9s] and I start taking kittens out
[2774.3s] and just start like throwing them at gnomes.
[2777.7s] So as an action,
[2778.5s] you can reach inside the bag and pick a kitten.
[2780.0s] Alternatively, you can use your action
[2782.0s] to place a new kitten in the bag
[2784.9s] and as an action, you can cause all the thousand kittens
[2787.1s] to come out.
[2788.0s] You know what?
[2788.8s] I don't think you know how to use it.
[2789.7s] All thousand kittens pour out.
[2791.0s] Yeah, I just dump the bag of kittens.
[2793.0s] Oh, okay.
[2794.9s] I'm gonna try and put the sexy shepherdess
[2796.7s] in the bag now.
[2797.5s] Okay, sure.
[2798.4s] Yeah, you pick up the sexy shepherdess
[2800.0s] and she's yelling at you.
[2801.5s] Hey, you made my arm fall off.
[2803.0s] I pick up the arm and put the arm in there too.
[2804.9s] You feel this warmth coming off of this gnome.
[2807.7s] Why stop now?
[2809.0s] We're in it.
[2809.8s] And its body begins to slowly change and morph
[2812.5s] and it's getting bigger.
[2814.0s] Not a lot bigger, but it gets bigger
[2816.0s] until you see before you,
[2817.7s] it is a small gnome-like creature with a red cap
[2824.0s] and a huge scythe who swings down towards you.
[2827.1s] Wow, oh.
[2828.5s] For a nat one.
[2829.4s] Now is that a two-handed weapon, Russ?
[2831.0s] Or because they did lose an arm.
[2832.8s] It's a single-handed scythe.
[2835.3s] Huge for their size.
[2837.2s] But they rolled a nat one.
[2838.4s] So they swing into the bag as you put them in there.
[2841.9s] They scream and it's like, ah!
[2844.1s] What just happened?
[2845.7s] Well, a million cats came out of that bag.
[2847.8s] There's so many cats here now.
[2849.1s] They're very cute.
[2850.0s] I'm on the floor playing with them.
[2852.1s] They're spraying and we know the pheromones
[2855.3s] are coming out of the gnomes too.
[2856.9s] So there's a thick scent in the air.
[2860.4s] It's a musk, it's a musky.
[2862.2s] There's a real musk.
[2863.4s] I don't know if I've made any better with the cats.
[2865.3s] However, you know.
[2866.3s] Yeah, so you're in.
[2867.7s] Well, cuter.
[2868.5s] You've made it cuter.
[2869.4s] There's a 30-foot sphere of kittens
[2871.6s] that is expanding by 10 feet each turn.
[2875.8s] Lasts for 3D6 turns until the kittens become tired
[2879.0s] from all the play.
[2879.9s] So you have this 30-foot ball of kittens
[2883.5s] swirling, journeying.
[2885.3s] The ground is being torn up.
[2886.7s] Fences are being knocked over.
[2888.9s] Gnomes are running all over the place.
[2891.7s] Oh, okay.
[2892.6s] I've got, here, moot.
[2894.7s] And I pass moot this bottle that says pheromones on it.
[2899.9s] Where can I spray this that's a smart choice for us?
[2904.6s] Smart.
[2906.9s] Where should we spray this?
[2909.9s] Audience?
[2910.7s] Hey guys, that kittens are getting
[2912.3s] real close to my swing set here.
[2914.3s] Maybe somebody could help me down.
[2917.5s] Oh, I think you're safe for that.
[2918.7s] Is there a well on the property?
[2921.8s] Yeah, just actually in sexy granny's yard,
[2924.4s] there's a well.
[2925.6s] Was it a real one or is it a fake one?
[2926.5s] I assume the fence is down now from that,
[2929.3s] from that 30-foot sphere of kittens.
[2930.1s] You know, we've been meaning to open,
[2931.3s] no, we haven't been meaning to open that up.
[2932.9s] That would seem like a weird character choice,
[2934.6s] but now we might become closer as friends.
[2937.4s] I head over to the well on sexy granny's property
[2941.9s] and I spray around the well
[2944.0s] and then turn the auto-spray function on
[2946.4s] as I drop it down the well.
[2948.7s] It's spraying all the way down.
[2950.9s] You see the gnomes that were running from the kittens
[2954.9s] stop and turn and look towards you in the well
[2959.4s] and they got a look in their eye
[2962.7s] and you hear some Barry White music come out of nowhere.
[2966.1s] Actually, it doesn't come out of nowhere.
[2967.6s] And I backed away from the well at this point.
[2968.7s] It comes out of all of them.
[2969.9s] They all begin singing.
[2972.7s] Can't get enough of your love, babe.
[2976.9s] It's as low as my voice will go.
[2978.2s] My darling.
[2980.9s] And they're just, they're snapping and they're dancing.
[2982.8s] They're moving towards closing the circle around you
[2987.9s] because they were all around you.
[2989.6s] I have proceeded to back the fuck up
[2992.4s] and then turn into a bat with my bat cloak.
[2995.1s] I was gonna say, that's not how circles work, but okay.
[2998.6s] There's so much hip thrust.
[2999.9s] As I saw them coming towards me.
[3002.2s] So yes, I drape my cloak around my shoulders
[3005.9s] and I say, I go bat now.
[3008.1s] And I turn into a bat.
[3009.3s] Bat flies off and they're moving towards the well.
[3013.3s] They're coming out of like.
[3014.4s] And who do we see?
[3015.9s] We see the one with the leash butt plug.
[3020.7s] We see a cowboy with ass lice.
[3024.3s] It looks a lot like Hot Pants Grandpa.
[3026.2s] There's good similarities.
[3029.8s] There's one in full gimp suit, obviously.
[3033.8s] The one that's tied to like one of those cross things.
[3036.7s] I forget the name of them.
[3038.2s] Those ones, they're just kind of like,
[3040.1s] rolling like it's just end over end
[3042.3s] because there's the cross there.
[3044.1s] There's the swing set.
[3044.9s] They're pushing the swing.
[3045.7s] Like the swing is rocking.
[3046.7s] There's the furry one, one dressed.
[3049.2s] Absolutely.
[3050.0s] So, Hillop is being pushed towards the well.
[3052.7s] He's in the swing, isn't he?
[3054.2s] Or is there a tiny gnome swing?
[3055.0s] There was a tiny gnome swing, I think,
[3056.6s] is what we saw.
[3057.5s] Yeah, sure.
[3058.4s] You see the one with the giant flogging paddle.
[3060.5s] Yeah, yeah.
[3061.3s] One's got that ball choker in its mouth.
[3064.7s] I mean, a couple do, actually.
[3066.4s] There's a few of those.
[3067.8s] A lot of latex, a lot of leather.
[3069.8s] Dog one.
[3070.6s] For some reason, there's-
[3071.7s] Yeah, a lot of dog leash kind of things going on, yeah.
[3074.2s] Full suit, like a three piece suit.
[3076.1s] Oh, yeah.
[3077.9s] A knight, for some reason.
[3080.3s] The cop from the village people.
[3081.8s] Yes.
[3082.7s] There's a whole group of them.
[3083.7s] Yeah, I actually see the construction worker
[3085.4s] from the village people.
[3086.3s] No, yeah.
[3087.1s] Maybe all of the-
[3087.9s] And you know what?
[3088.8s] All of the village people are there.
[3089.6s] Look, there's also French maid.
[3091.2s] Lots of French maids.
[3093.0s] Yeah.
[3093.9s] There's just a whole group of them,
[3095.0s] like racing each other,
[3096.3s] riding one another around the perimeter,
[3100.3s] much like a jockey race.
[3101.4s] Lots of leapfrog, too,
[3102.9s] but they're not making it all the way over.
[3104.3s] Yep, no.
[3105.3s] It stops part way.
[3107.0s] And just to be explicit,
[3108.4s] there's a lot of sexual parts just out.
[3111.8s] Oh, yeah.
[3112.7s] Yeah.
[3113.5s] Very much.
[3114.3s] We're describing the outfits, but obviously-
[3115.2s] Very anatomically correct,
[3116.6s] but also a little bigger than what, you know-
[3119.7s] Definitely enlarged in many ways.
[3121.7s] Yeah, yeah.
[3123.6s] Much akin to grandpa hot pants.
[3125.7s] Embiggened, if you will.
[3127.1s] So they're moving towards, sorry,
[3129.1s] they're moving towards the well and they're climbing up
[3131.6s] and all of them are falling in following the pheromones
[3134.8s] and you hear, at first you hear like shatters
[3137.9s] down at the bottom.
[3138.7s] Wasn't there water in the well?
[3139.8s] Is there water in that well?
[3141.6s] Was that a dry well?
[3143.2s] I mean, can bats talk?
[3144.3s] I don't know if bats can talk.
[3145.5s] I can answer it.
[3146.4s] There's no water down in the well, no.
[3148.7s] Oh, oh gosh.
[3150.0s] Decorative.
[3150.9s] Oh no, oh.
[3151.7s] Oh, this is, I thought we were just gonna trap them.
[3155.2s] But then you slowly hear like these vibrations
[3158.0s] and pops and clicks, and then you hear like screams.
[3161.2s] Ah, as they all turn into these red caps.
[3166.7s] I fly down towards where Sully and Glim are
[3170.5s] and change out of being a bat.
[3173.5s] I say, okay, now what do we do, guys?
[3175.1s] Have they all gone into the well?
[3177.2s] They're still proceeding.
[3178.1s] Like the ones that are under the pheromone spell,
[3180.4s] they're like falling down,
[3181.6s] but now it doesn't take long
[3184.9s] before like they begin piling up on top of each other
[3187.6s] and now they're pushing back the other way
[3189.3s] with these red caps coming out.
[3191.4s] Oh, we need like a lid or like a giant cork or something.
[3195.4s] Is there anything in that bag you have over there?
[3198.4s] Oh.
[3199.5s] Hmm.
[3201.3s] I was just really digging through this duffel bag
[3203.8s] looking for, yeah, some sort of.
[3205.7s] Some sort of, like mass napalm.
[3207.5s] Some sort of large plug.
[3208.3s] Large plug.
[3209.1s] Yeah.
[3210.0s] Big plug.
[3211.8s] Yeah, a big plug with like a tapered base
[3214.0s] so it would sit in and just really.
[3217.7s] Maybe some ribs to really hold it in.
[3219.7s] Oh, oh, the staff of probing.
[3222.4s] Okay. Yes.
[3223.8s] Yes, let's, okay.
[3225.1s] Let's try that.
[3226.0s] Who gave you the staff of probing, did he?
[3229.0s] You can have.
[3229.9s] He gave us this whole bag of stuff.
[3231.6s] I mean.
[3232.4s] Oh, how about the bed dragon butt plug?
[3234.8s] He got that one in there too?
[3236.3s] So I'm going to approach with the staff of probing
[3240.1s] and see if I can kind of like knock the last few in
[3243.3s] and then.
[3244.1s] All right, yeah.
[3245.0s] Use that to, use that to fill the hole.
[3247.6s] Make a dexterity saving throw to avoid scythes.
[3253.3s] Plus zero 16.
[3254.1s] Just horny little guys with sharp things.
[3256.8s] Yeah, they're swinging wildly all around you.
[3260.7s] You catch the end of like one of them along,
[3263.3s] along your shoulder, which gives you some damage.
[3269.2s] Six slashing damage.
[3271.3s] It's pretty hefty cut you get deep into your shoulder.
[3274.2s] But yeah, you managed to stab the staff of probing down
[3278.9s] into the top of this well.
[3281.2s] And what does it do?
[3282.9s] Well, once it fills the hole,
[3284.6s] I have to like kind of jam it in a few times.
[3287.4s] Yeah, just back and forth, back and forth.
[3290.5s] Just like that.
[3292.0s] So many times before.
[3294.4s] You're doing great, Clib.
[3295.5s] It's nine o'clock in the morning.
[3299.3s] So I'm jabbing it in and out.
[3302.9s] And then it sort of starts to seize up.
[3306.7s] And then there's like a release.
[3308.3s] And I don't know what happens because it's in the hole,
[3311.5s] but clearly something like.
[3313.3s] But we get that, we get that like Christopher Nolan
[3315.4s] follow the bullets, you know,
[3317.2s] camera view all the way down.
[3319.2s] Christopher Nolan, I tell you.
[3320.9s] All the gaps get filled.
[3323.1s] And everything is like frozen in place
[3325.7s] in this like sticky.
[3326.8s] Four of us are just filled with sticky fluid.
[3330.5s] Yeah.
[3331.7s] Very viscous though.
[3333.1s] Like there's no crawling out of here.
[3334.7s] No, it's yeah.
[3336.2s] Why you really filled that hole.
[3338.4s] Glam, Jesus.
[3339.8s] What are we gonna do with the rest of these little guys?
[3342.7s] Kitten bag?
[3343.5s] Into the bag.
[3344.4s] I hold up the bag.
[3346.1s] Running around scooping them up, shoveling them in.
[3349.1s] Don't break them.
[3350.0s] They turn into those really bad guys.
[3351.9s] Yeah.
[3352.7s] And you managed to get them all.
[3353.8s] You still have this growing ball of kittens
[3356.1s] that you haven't dealt with.
[3356.9s] But it'll tire itself out, right?
[3359.1s] That's future us, this problem.
[3361.4s] You know what?
[3362.3s] We can re-home kittens.
[3363.1s] We can't re-home sex gnomes.
[3365.5s] Exactly.
[3366.3s] As the old saying goes.
[3367.1s] That's the old adage.
[3369.1s] Yeah, and actually that,
[3371.1s] because I rolled so poorly,
[3372.1s] that ball of kittens is like starting to calm down.
[3375.0s] Like they're getting sleepy time now.
[3377.8s] And they're just kind of rolling on top of each other.
[3381.5s] There are thousands of them.
[3382.7s] So there's a lot.
[3384.4s] But yeah, no, they're tired.
[3386.3s] Tired kittens.
[3388.1s] So there's a lot of damage here
[3390.9s] taking care of this here problem.
[3392.9s] Yeah.
[3394.3s] There was.
[3395.2s] Yeah.
[3396.1s] This is why you shouldn't fight.
[3397.7s] Also.
[3398.6s] Because look what happens.
[3399.4s] Also, Grandpa Hotpants needs to like double check
[3403.7s] on his gifts and stuff.
[3406.0s] This was not an appropriate gift.
[3407.8s] Whatever happened to like jewelry, flowers,
[3411.3s] multiple orgasms.
[3413.3s] Sure.
[3414.1s] All good gifts.
[3414.9s] I'll talk to him about that.
[3416.4s] Give him a firm talking to.
[3420.6s] And spanking.
[3422.5s] Just in case you just missed the context there.
[3424.5s] Oh no, we got it.
[3425.4s] No, yeah, we got it.
[3426.2s] No, yeah, we, okay.
[3427.2s] I mean, you have that paddle in your hand
[3429.0s] and you're slapping.
[3429.8s] Yeah, I know.
[3430.7s] Hillop's liking it.
[3431.5s] Yes, very good.
[3432.7s] Yeah.
[3433.6s] No.
[3434.4s] You can keep him for as long as you want.
[3436.2s] Also, you could probably sell each of these kittens
[3439.1s] and have enough money to fix your fence.
[3441.5s] Yay, pay a landscaping company or something
[3444.0s] to fix it right up for you.
[3444.8s] Great, all right.
[3445.7s] We'll sell the kittens.
[3446.5s] Getting into the kitten game.
[3448.1s] You got it.
[3448.9s] And say it with me.
[3449.7s] No more gnomes.
[3452.1s] What about one gnome?
[3454.3s] Nope.
[3455.2s] Well, what are you gonna do with that bag of gnomes?
[3458.7s] Probably talk to them, to me and Mom.
[3461.7s] Yeah.
[3462.5s] She'll know what to do with it.
[3463.7s] Mom always knows what to do in these situations.
[3466.5s] Yeah.
[3467.9s] Gotta talk to Mom when you have a bag full of sex gnomes.
[3470.5s] That's right.
[3471.4s] You gotta be able to turn to her.
[3472.5s] Well, are you gonna keep that bag of toys
[3475.9s] or you want me to take that back
[3477.1s] to Grandpa Hot Pants for you?
[3479.5s] I think you can take it back to Grandpa Hot Pants.
[3481.7s] Yeah, maybe one in here.
[3483.3s] Oh, no, thank you.
[3484.7s] That's all right.
[3485.5s] Oh, okay.
[3486.4s] Well, maybe just the, what's that whip in now?
[3491.6s] We never end up using it, but it looked good.
[3495.3s] I want it.
[3496.4s] Just this sexy leather whip?
[3498.0s] Yeah.
[3499.5s] Sure.
[3500.3s] Yeah, there you go.
[3501.1s] I grab it and I go do, do, do, do, do, and I snap it.
[3504.5s] Crack that whip.
[3506.0s] Liquorish whip.
[3508.0s] Glim surreptitiously picks up the wand of vibration.
[3513.7s] I think Sully still has the beard comb.
[3516.1s] I do, I do have the beard comb.
[3517.9s] I just, I kept it in my back pocket.
[3519.8s] I forget what all was in there,
[3521.1s] but I'll grab something too.
[3522.3s] Yep.
[3523.2s] Yeah, we'll, as far as all the items,
[3526.5s] a bag of kittens, I mean, the kittens are all gone.
[3529.0s] We've got the bag.
[3529.9s] Yeah, we've got a bag of sex gnomes.
[3531.6s] Oh, we could unleash that on like Orcus.
[3536.3s] Oh, no, turns the tide.
[3538.8s] Yes.
[3539.7s] Hey, can they take over the world
[3540.5s] if they're too busy fucking?
[3542.2s] Flannel Granny takes the bag
[3544.2s] and heads over to Grandpa Hot Pants
[3547.4s] where you see her enter into the cloud of smoke
[3551.3s] and says, oh, we got some talking to do here,
[3554.4s] Grandpa Hot Pants.
[3556.4s] You've been a naughty boy.
[3557.2s] You've been a naughty boy.
[3559.1s] Oh, all right.
[3562.6s] And the door shuts.
[3563.6s] Back to the job posting board.
[3567.1s] I assume there's more postings going on.
[3568.9s] Is Mom Neckbreaker still there?
[3570.5s] Postings, just postings on postings on postings.
[3574.0s] And of course, Mom Neckbreaker's there.
[3576.9s] That's where she basically just stays all Sundays,
[3579.8s] just setting up all the postings.
[3581.3s] There was a posting that said Timmy was in the well
[3584.5s] and I just sort of sneak, just reach up
[3586.8s] and I just grab that one and kind of crumple it up
[3589.3s] and shove it in my pocket
[3590.4s] because Timmy is not coming out of the well.
[3592.8s] What?
[3593.7s] Was it the same well?
[3595.5s] Did you take the, did you get two for one?
[3598.9s] What do you mean?
[3599.7s] There was nothing there.
[3600.5s] Yeah, hey, we've got this bag.
[3602.2s] Great.
[3603.1s] It's full of sex gnomes.
[3604.5s] What?
[3605.7s] Well, that was a problem between the two grannies
[3607.8s] fighting, but the real problem.
[3609.6s] Yeah, it was all about the sex gnomes.
[3611.4s] It was about the sex gnomes.
[3612.5s] Oh.
[3613.3s] They kind of sprayed their, you know, stuff everywhere
[3617.2s] and made everybody all horny.
[3619.5s] I mean, that doesn't sound like a-
[3620.8s] But forever.
[3621.7s] Oh, forever.
[3622.5s] Well, it's not good to be horny forever.
[3624.3s] No, no.
[3625.2s] Yeah.
[3626.0s] Nothing gets done.
[3626.9s] Now and then, you know, little spritz might be good.
[3628.2s] So you want me to take that bag then?
[3630.6s] Well, sure.
[3631.4s] You are the authority in this town, Cityville.
[3634.7s] That's what they've elected me as.
[3636.2s] Okay, here you go.
[3637.6s] Thank you.
[3638.7s] Careful, they're feisty.
[3641.0s] And you want to make sure you don't break any of them.
[3645.7s] Yes.
[3646.5s] Because see, and I show him my arm that's all cut up.
[3649.9s] They'll get you.
[3650.8s] Yeah, no, that doesn't look very good.
[3652.7s] All right, don't break them.
[3653.9s] So do we get-
[3654.7s] Just spritz them.
[3655.5s] Don't break them.
[3656.4s] No, I wouldn't even open the bag.
[3658.3s] Just put that away.
[3659.2s] Yeah, if you could just dispose of the bag,
[3660.4s] that'd probably be the best.
[3661.8s] Yeah, we're-
[3663.0s] Or if you have access to a portal.
[3664.7s] If you have access to the sex plane.
[3668.4s] Yeah, oh sure.
[3669.2s] Or maybe the astral plane.
[3671.1s] You know what, it's handing down from neck breaker
[3673.3s] to neck breaker, the portal to the sex plane.
[3676.9s] Welcome to City Townsville,
[3678.9s] home of portal to the sex plane.
[3681.2s] I mean, you'd think your tourism would be way up.
[3684.4s] You'd think, maybe it's just in the branding.
[3686.4s] Oh, sure.
[3687.3s] We need someone to work on that.
[3688.7s] Oh, oh yeah, because it was just the two buttcheeks
[3691.5s] with the giant portal for an asshole, right?
[3694.1s] Yeah. Yeah.
[3695.1s] It's a little, it's a little much.
[3697.1s] Well, and you're kind of getting
[3698.1s] into like butt's hole territory.
[3699.7s] Like you want to differentiate
[3701.8s] when you're doing your marketing.
[3702.9s] You want to find- You want to stand out, yeah.
[3704.3s] Yeah, so.
[3705.1s] Cool.
[3706.1s] I mean, maybe a cute, sexy, no mascot.
[3708.8s] But well, you probably want your reward, don't you?
[3711.2s] Oh, that'd be great.
[3712.9s] Yeah, I think we've really earned-
[3714.9s] What was the reward on that one again?
[3718.4s] 14 gold.
[3720.5s] Very low number, but you know,
[3721.8s] it seemed like the fun one to try.
[3723.4s] Butt plugs.
[3724.5s] And butt plugs. 14 karat gold butt plugs, yeah.
[3726.6s] Well, it said it was a, so you get, you get 14 gold.
[3731.0s] You get butt plugs.
[3732.7s] You get a cute doggy gnome in leather with a leash
[3735.7s] and a sex gnome in leather with a whip
[3738.1s] having the dog on the leash.
[3740.5s] One of those butt plugs is the bad dragon butt plug.
[3743.1s] So you're going to want to just take good care of that.
[3746.1s] And you get a free, a vouch-
[3747.5s] Oh, I forgot about the free hour at grandpa hop pants.
[3751.4s] Oh.
[3752.2s] That comes with loot packets
[3754.9s] and a discount coupon to Flanny Granny's diner.
[3758.1s] Did you know she owned a diner?
[3759.8s] Oh, I didn't know that, but you know what?
[3762.4s] You did not.
[3763.2s] Like, I'm hungry.
[3764.3s] All that, really.
[3765.6s] Here's your coupon and all of these other things
[3768.9s] that have rewarded you with this.
[3771.5s] Saving the town from sex times.
[3775.2s] Oh, it doesn't really sound like we did a good job, but-
[3778.5s] No, that's not really what we were doing.
[3781.0s] Okay, well, you guys in for some waffles?
[3783.7s] Yeah, I mean, I say we go to Flanny Granny's diner
[3785.9s] and see what she's got on offer.
[3788.7s] She serves the best dish in the area.
[3791.6s] Well, that's what grandpa hop pants says, anyway.
[3795.0s] Just ask for the sexy waffles, is that correct?
[3797.3s] Yeah, you got it.
[3798.1s] Got wieners and peaches on that one.
[3800.4s] Perfect.
[3801.3s] I'm assuming lots of whipped cream.
[3802.9s] Uh-huh.
[3803.7s] ["Pomp and Circumstance"]
[3833.7s] ["Pomp and Circumstance"]
[3843.9s] Dumbgeons and Dragons, season two, episode 95
[3846.7s] is starring Amy More as Sully,
[3849.0s] Carla Max dead as Glim, Tom Laird as Moot,
[3851.7s] and Russ More as your dungeon master.
[3853.5s] Editing, production, and sound design is by Russ More.
[3856.3s] This episode featured music from Kavin MacLeod
[3858.4s] and Epidemic Sound, and sound effects
[3860.6s] from Epidemic Sound, Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
[3863.8s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
[3865.8s] Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok, Cat Waterflame,
[3868.3s] Stevie, Jacob Madden, Devin Michaels,
[3870.7s] Christian Brown, Aaron Stevens,
[3872.3s] Lulahan, and Charlie Warley.
[3874.1s] Support Dumbgeons and Dragons and our many other productions
[3876.7s] and get access to an exclusive podcast
[3879.0s] and bonus episodes, all while helping us
[3881.3s] unlock the special Grant's Flamykins episode,
[3884.0s] Escaping the Abyss, when we reach 100 patrons
[3888.0s] at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
[3891.4s] You can also follow us at Facebook.com slash dumbdragoncast
[3894.5s] and on Instagram and Twitter at dumbdragoncast.
[3897.3s] Thank you for listening.
[3898.4s] Have a great week.
[3899.5s] We'll talk again soon.
[3902.2s] Is this, now is this our neighbor?
[3905.8s] We have-
[3907.9s] Do you have a sexy granny neighbor?
[3908.8s] We have a nightiest of nighties, grandma neighbor
[3913.3s] who shares a fence with us.
[3915.3s] Oh, that's nice.
[3917.2s] Feeling real personal connection to this one.
[3919.1s] Phara-Gnomes by Dumb Dragons Pharmaceuticals.
[3921.5s] Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
[3923.8s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.